“I just want to be ME!” These words are music to my ears. As a counsellor, one of my greatest joys is helping people to live more authentic lives.

What gets in the way? Why is it so hard to just be oneself?

To understand why we sometimes wear masks, hide our real feelings, and pretend to be something other than who we really are requires entering into the worldview of a child.

Children are completely dependent on their parents/caregivers—for food, shelter, safety, and love. This dependency makes them incredibly vulnerable to losing their connection to their caregivers. At the same time, children are unable to take another person’s perspective. Therefore, if mommy or daddy (or other significant adult) violates the trust in the relationship, children will not blame the adult, they will blame themselves. If these breeches of safety and trust are ongoing, children will come to believe, “There is something wrong with me. I am unlovable as I am.”

By the time we are adults, each of us carries some amount of this woundedness, believing that somehow we are deeply flawed and unworthy of love. This false belief makes it difficult to trust our feelings and desires and instead we look to others to let us know if we are OK as we are. We try to mold ourselves to other peoples’ expectations to gain approval, and in the process ,we lose touch with who we really are.

The process of reclaiming your truth is a powerful journey. It involves healing the wounds of early relational trauma and reclaiming your right to be here, just as you are. It means being able to speak your mind, trust your gut, and pursue your passions. It means letting your little light shine!