We are relational beings, meaning we need to be in relationship with other beings to be healthy and happy. Our society, however, teaches us that the ultimate in personal development is to be independent, and not to need anyone.
Don’t get me wrong—not all relationships are created equal. It is better to be alone than to be in a relationship rife with abuse and neglect. But our individualistic culture is running counter to our basic biology, and it’s time to challenge this notion that successful people are totally independent.
It’s time to stop equating a longing to belong with weakness or neediness. We all long to belong. We all thrive within respectful, caring relationships. And, we are all somewhat deprived of having a tribe of close, trustworthy, safe people to relate to.
Our modern society is fractured. We are increasingly cut off from each other, animals, Spirit, and the Earth itself. It is no wonder there is so much suffering here despite our supposed wealth. I point this out because people often blame themselves for feeling depressed, lonely, or “needy,” when in reality they are having a very healthy response to an unhealthy society.
The more we can embrace our need for connection, the happier we will be. What if we started to cultivate more intimate relationships with our friends, families, and neighbours through spending time together and being vulnerable with one another? What if we acknowledged that each of us has a relationship to the Earth, and consciously worked to improve it? What if we saw ourselves as part of a vast web of interdependent relationships?
Relationships are like gardens—they need tending to be fruitful. And when we put in the time and energy, we are deeply nourished and fulfilled.
Photo by Theophil Syslo Photography
